my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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