i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
