Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just want nice things and good sex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
