so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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