my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm at about main and main street
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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