Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
