I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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