May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
