Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
