She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
