I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
