I think i peed on brittanys purse
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
