Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
