I'm passing your future prison.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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