Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
