Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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