You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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