are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
