we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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