Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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