if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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