How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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