I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just google imaged poop.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
