Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
