i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You pole danced in your parka.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
