i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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