i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
