if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
