Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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