We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
