I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
