hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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