wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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