drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want nice things and good sex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
