i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
