North Korea, Best Korea!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
