Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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