thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
