Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
