And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
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he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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