i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
