you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
