she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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