the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
