the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
