Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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