Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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