so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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