I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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