just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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