i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
