im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
