i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize