Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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