I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
