so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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