a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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