i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
