So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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