You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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