is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize