I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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