her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
