Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
