Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
