Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
