she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So much rum. So many feels.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
