Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
