i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
