billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
