so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize