In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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