I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
