6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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