I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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