You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
