I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
