True but thats because hes a fetus.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
