oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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