Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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