I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize