evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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