What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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