I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
