I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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