My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
